Tuesday, October 28, 2008

It's hard to keep my mouth shut

Public message boards have the ability to drive me fucking ~insane~.

On the webmd 3rd tri board, there is a conversation about drinking and pregnancy. One girl mentioned she thought drinking a sip of alcohol could put your baby at risk and questions why some women do it. She said she would switch doctors if her doctor said a glass of wine was okay.

Well, there were a bevy of responses and one woman set the record straight with facts and links to large (400,000 woman) studied. She spoke to the risks of FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) and FAE (fetal alcohol effect) and suggested the original poster do some studies before assuming things on her own.

And then a girl comes on and says "I think its stupid to even chance it, despite what studies have proven." And she's 19. And her signature begs her baby to "Please come early!".

It's taking all I have in me to not reply to her saying "Yeah! 'Ignore scientific fact' says the teenager who wants her baby to be born early!" ~giggle~. "I think it's stupid" indeed.

Update ... I just wanted to explain that my laughter from this teenager was ~not~ the fact she thinks drinking is stupid, that's fine and dandy for her to have that opinion. I just think it's funny she says " ... despite what studies have proven". Like her 19 years on this planet should trump serious medical studies. That is what made me laugh.


Mel said...

I had a friend who, in her second pregnancy, craved beer like nothing else. That's all we heard from her - man, I really want a beer. OH this baby is going to be a drinker, all I'm craving is a beer! Etc. But when I told her, you know, you could probably have a (singular) beer and nothing would happen, she freaked out on me. She acted like I was some sort of evil deviant person for suggesting she put her unborn child's life in danger. As she said, "SOME people might be okay risking it, but I do not play around with my children's well being." Well la-ti-fricking-da.

Elana Kahn said...

These are the same people that insist you need to take baby strength tylenol during pregnancy in order not to harm the baby. HONESTLY!!! What rubbish. You know what I'd tell her? In the Orthodox Jewish community there are LOTS of babies born--all the freaking time. And the vast majority of these women have a small amount of wine twice a week, every week. And these babies that are born--the vast majority are perfectly healthy, and I don't know of even one who had FAS.

ssbean said...

Oh good grief! I haven't done any studying so my personal preference is just not drink... But, I would think that as long you aren't an alcoholic, you and your baby should be fine. Maybe I'm wrong, I dunno.

Does this 19yr old not know that there are a lot of complications that generally come from a baby being born early. I would never wish my baby to be born early, and spend the first days/weeks in NICU attached to monitors and IV's and stuff. And worse of all, risks having life long complications.

I can't understand the thinking here. A drink here and there during a pregnancy is bad, but a premature baby somehow isn't. Makes no sense to me.

Heather said...

I hear you. And I bet that 19 year old is 32 weeks, which 'is eight months' so why isn't it ok for the baby to come now?

It's really hard to bite one's tongue, but the dopes never listen to what you have to say anyways. Trying to set them straight is a waste of time.

Amy said...

Why I avoid message boards anymore. :)

Kim said...

Oh good god you GOT to be kidding me!

That is about as classic as some chic saying she doesn't want her baby to weigh more than five pounds.

Yeah here I am on strict bedrest trying to keep my LO in for another 2 weeks AT least knowing that even then there will be problems. And praying for at least 6 weeks and a 2 lb baby. Term would be wonderful, but not likely.

People like that piss me the F off. ARGH!!!
*why is there no spell check on comments?*

Amanda said...

For the record, I agree with you... very small amounts of alcohol probably fine. Just don't do like my mom. She smoked and drank beer with me (cravings... yeah I'm sure I wanted cigs and beer). She even praises herself for only smoking a few puffs before breaking the cig in half and throwing it down. Way to go mom! And she only had beers when she was really craved one (no idea how often that happened).

I guess I turned out alright. I'm just infertile.

Motel Manager said...

People are so retarded. Meanwhile, I'm sure all these people are doing something that has the same (low) chance of doing anything to their babies. But they like to be sanctimonious about not drinking or not eating lunch meat or whatever.

I mean, really. "Please come early"?!? Jeez.

Jenera said...

I have avoided the message boards like the plague this time around, lol. I get too worked up over things big and small.

I'm going to assume this is her first time and she is full of righteous indignation and feels she knows everything about pregnancy.

Drinking while pregnant is like so many things-a mothers right to decide. Sure you shouldn't be knocking back a fifth of Jack every night or doing drugs while drinking, etc.

I have had exactly 3 glasses of wine this pregnancy. One for my anniversary and two when I just needed to relax. I draw the line there. I really wanted a tequila sunrise the other day when I was sick because I knew it would clear my nose right out but I just couldn't drink the hard liquor. But that's just me.

As always, if women want to say such ridiculous things, I hope they have the backbone to take the backlash that will surely come.

Io said...

Ug. I can't go on message board because sooner or later my head explodes.

~Joe said...

3rd tri on webmd, ah memories!a message board full of very pregnant hormonal women, disagreements? surely you kid!

Soxy Deb said...

Hey Nancy!! Haven't been over in a while and want to say "speak your mind" You are not one to keep it to yourself and for sure on this one your right. 19 and a know it all. I think not.
Get it off your chest if you need to.

Btw, the belly pics are looking too cute!!

Jen said...

Nancy you are too funny. Please don't keep your mouth shut. Not only does it do people good to get a reality check, but it is highly entertaining too!

Jen said...

Please say something!!! It would do that girl some good to have somebody give her a reality check. I saw that same post and it really bugged the heck out of me (yes, I still lurk on those boards for all you gals)
And like somebody else said, if you say something it could be really funny. Gosh knows we could all use a laugh.

I wanted to thank you for the nice comment you left on my blog the other day~about giving you support when you needed it. No problem, any time you need some I'm here for you. I read your comment and it made me smile, so thank you!

jenn said...

ay yai yai! I honestly really want a beer- but never when I have the opportunity to have one. I think I want the idea of a beer more- if that makes sense! I will probably have one at some point- my anniversary is in january & some really good wine would be a nice treat, but I'd rather save it up!

And the early shit... yikes!

The Captain's Wife said...

Come on Nancy...are you trying to say that a 19yr old does not know "everything" there is to know in life?

I sure thought I did at 19...and then I turned 20, 21, 22, 23.......and well now I realize that at 31 I still know shit about shit..

It makes me sad that she wants her baby to come early, there are SO many more risks to that than a beer here or there through out pregnancy...

lucky13 said...

i can't visit boards very often for exactly this example!!! the amount of ignorance that perpetrates is astounding, so i'm not surprised at all that you came across such sophisticated thinking!!
I totally understand your reaction. Makes me batty.

Jewels said...

He-he, It reminds me of when a little kids says "When I was little....". Or when Miley Cyrus sings about all her broken hearts (Yeah, at age 15? When?")- I know it's real for them, but it cracks me up when there still so young.

Cass said...

I hate to disagree with you on your own blog but I have to take the girl's side on this one. I didn't follow the books when I was preggo, I drank diet coke every day for each of my 3 pregnancies and I took medication (obviously stuff that was approved) but I would never drink alcohol...not even a sip. There is no reason to drink period let alone when you are pregnant. I know there is a lot of research out there that says a little is fine, but after taking a human development class and learning all of the things that could go wrong it is amazing that anyone is born normal at all. So why would you want to add to the possibilty of something going wrong just to have a few sips of beer?

I'm pretty sure that when she said she wanted her baby to come early she didn't mean she wanted a preemie. I wanted my little girl to come early, as in 37 or 38 weeks which is what that girl probably meant.

nancy said...

Cass, once again, it's ~not~ about not drinking during pregnancy. Not at all. It's about telling the public to dismiss scientific fact. But then again, there are people who REALLY BELIEVE so much science is wrong, so I guess I'm not actually surprised.

Yes, lots of things can go wrong but a sip of alcohol is ~not~ going to do shit. Read the studies where half a MILLION women who drank a little bit during pregnancy and see that not ONE suffered any alcohol effects. Not one.

And even wanting your children to come 2-3 weeks early is really not a smart thing. Those 2-3 weeks could be VITAL in a child's development. Sure, 98% of babies are fine. But what if yours was one of the 2% and she died? Would you still be pleased she came "early"? 2% is a HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN 0%. It's way way way way more risky to have a baby at 37 weeks than to have a 0% chance of something being wrong from a sip of alcohol.

I swear to god, women have their priorities screwed the fuck up. They risk a baby at 3 weeks early but won't eat a hot dog.

So yeah, screw science. Have babies come early. The odds are with you. Hell, only 2% will die.

Anonymous said...

OH MY What a topic this is. I dont drink when I am pregnant but thats my personal choice, I also dont drink when I am not pregnant so things dont change for me. But having a drink of something wont hurt you anymore then drinking soda the whole time you are prego will.

As for the babies coming early thing. I can definatly tell you that isnt a good thing. Your baby needs to cook as long as it can. Just because someone else had a baby at such and such week and it was ok doesnt mean that yours will be. TRUST ME!! Just because 1 babys lungs were ready early doesnt mean your childs will be. Each baby is different and is ready in there own time. Not when we want them to come. So what you are miserable, its not that much longer and if it means holding the baby in that much longer then you do it no matter how miserable you feel because you know that you are giving the little one a much bigger chance at life then having them early.


I didnt have that choice. I had a premie baby because I got pre-eclampsia. Praise God that my son lived. He was born at 37 weeks, I was a few days shy of 37 1/2 weeks. He weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 19 inches long. Perfect baby. BUT BIG BUT!!! His lungs werent mature and he couldnt breathe. I had to have a C-section and when he came out he took a breathe and a small cry and then he stopped breathing. He had to be resussated and almost died. His 1st apgar score was only like a 3. He had to be in the hospital for 7 days in NICU and was in a oxygen bubble. Another risk you run with an early baby is jaundice, which my son had horrible and had to have a jaundice light at home for almost a month after he was born. And there stomach isnt able to tolerate food well so they puke alot and cant keep much down at a time. So if you want to experience all that then sure have a baby early. Yes, not all women will have to endure what I did but it is a possibilty and I want you to know what happened to me. I hope I dont offend anyone with this but I get really pissed at women who want babies to come early!!!!!!!

Cass said...

Saying something and doing something are two very different things. I can tell the whole world that I would like my third child to come at 37.5 weeks like my second did, but there is nothing I could do to make it happen, she was going to come when she was ready whether I liked it or not. So I wasn't in any way putting my child at risk.

tammy said...

I was one of the 20 days early crowd and I was in an incubator for 3 days until my APGAR (I think that is the right term) score raised.

Wanting a baby to come early for whatever reason is selfish.

As to the drinking, how on earth did we ever service before all this science came along? How many of our mothers smoked, drank, ate hot dogs, lunch meat, certain, fish, etc.? I am not saying throuh caution to the wind but come on, one beer? Give me a break!

Kaci said...

oh yeah, to be 19...wouldn't it be nice to be that smart again? I think the only time I was smarter was when I was 15.

I agree with scientific studies when the outcome fits me, like lysteria - I call bullshit & eat deli meat without warming it to however many degrees. Because the chances are SO slim, right? But again, if I was a victim of that number, I'm sure I'd get pissed with people like me who write it off.

It's fine for her to choose not to drink any alcohol, but she needs to stop judging others when the statistics are on their side. ARGH! I'd tell her to bite me, cuz that's the mood I'm in today!

The Captain's Wife said...

nancy...i am having such a bad day at work, and these comments totally make me laugh! I love your "They risk a baby at 3 weeks early but won't eat a hot dog"..I am going to go home tonight and drink a cold beer, eat a hot dog and go get soft serve! Oh wait! Maybe I'll wrap my HD in deli meat!

Dr. Grumbles said...

I always think of my MIL telling me how, when she finally lost her very severe first trimester puking, she celebrated with chili and a beer. Nobody knew not to do it, and that beer can't be seen anywhere in D's development.

We live in a society of extremists who need to see things in terms of black and white, good and evil - no middle ground. If alcohol can't be "good" it must be bad, so never ever have any. EVER.

Anonymous said...

Well, I did some research and according to some of the experts:

"Expert Answers
Christina Chambers, epidemiologist, California Teratogen Information Service, San Diego
This is a controversial issue. Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) was first identified more than 30 years ago, and yet there are still many unanswered questions about the risks of drinking moderate amounts of alcohol during pregnancy, including how much it takes to cause birth defects and why some babies seem to be affected and others don't.

We know that women who drink heavily during pregnancy have an increased risk of having a child with FAS. Babies with FAS have a constellation of severe lifelong problems: they're born smaller, often continue to grow poorly, and have physical abnormalities and learning and behavior problems.

But full-blown FAS is only the extreme end of the spectrum of what can happen when you drink alcohol during pregnancy. A broader category known as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASD) affects many children whose mothers drank while pregnant. These children don't have all of the physical features of FAS but do have learning and behavior problems.

Right now we don't know what amount of alcohol is safe to drink during pregnancy for every woman, so we say, as does the U.S. surgeon general, that it's best to take the "better safe than sorry" approach and avoid alcohol entirely when you're pregnant. And since most people don't find out that they're pregnant until several weeks into the first trimester, you should also avoid drinking if you think you could be pregnant.

Russell Turk, ob-gyn and founder of the Riverside Obstetrics & Gynecology in Riverside, CT
Because it's virtually impossible to prove that even a small amount of alcohol is safe, most physicians recommend avoiding alcohol altogether when trying to conceive and definitely during the first trimester when most of the fetus's vital organs are developing. (However, many women report having had a drink or two before they realized they were pregnant and that their babies are okay.)"

I know this blog is old but I still find it interesting. Bottom line: Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with a drink here and there but it is not true that all experts agree that there is nothing wrong with it. And, I find that there is nothing wrong with that girl's opinion even if she is only 19.