Thursday, August 7, 2008

A whole bunch of randomness.

I've got a tad of a break and I wanted to catch up. There is a lot, so I'll just go for it.

~ The last post wasn't really a question, although looking at it as someone who didn't know what I was saying, I see how it looked definitely like a question. It's just lyrics from a dcfc song that makes me cry everytime.

~ Pam's question: In what moment of your life did you make a decision that you knew would change your life forever? Did It? Did you ever regret the decision?. ---> I gave this quite a bit of thought. And while I had many life changing decisions (marriage, babies, etc) I seem to keep going back to the day I decided to quit using heroin. I had "quit" multiple times before, but it was always because I knew it was what I should do, not what I wanted to do. I had too many close calls with death, as I had OD'd multiple times. I would literally wake up in an ambulance with no recollection of anything. But always kept using. I lost my entire life trying to be a fucking rockstar. But then there was a time I OD'd at my parent's house. They heard me fall in the bathtub and had to knock down the door and found my lifeless body, blue, no heartbeat, underwater. Shit like that has happened before, but never in front of my parents. When my mother came to pick me up from the hospital, I saw it in her eyes. I wasn't just killing myself, I was killing her too. I picked up and moved to colorado, not telling anyone except my best friend Ryan, who wasn't very happy with the way I was living anywho. I went through a hard detox period, with my brother sticking me in detox center to kick it cold turkey. So yes. I'll say that moment of looking into my mother's eyes was the decision you were asking about.

A little note about the above paragraph. This was a ~long~ time ago. Way over a decade has passed. I'm not one for blocking out anything of my past, for it's made me who I am today. But what sucks is people will still judge you on bad decisions made eons ago. Please don't be that person.

~ Not in the Water asked: "How do you decide what tattoo to get?". Kaci also asked for me to tell the stories behind my tattoos. ---> I wish I had some deep stories to tell. But my tattoos are really just a hodge podge of art I really like. I would like to say nothing is from a book or a wall. All was just my ideas and the artist's hands. All have been drawn freehand with a change here or there from me. Oh - and nothing is ever decided on day of tattoo. I think about my next tattoo for quite awhile before getting it. Wow, what a boring story.

~ Sara asked: "If you could meet any famous person in history, who would it be?" ---> Kurt Cobain.

~ Denise asked me what the origin of punk was. But I can't answer that. I can tell her what my origin of punk was. And that was Big Black.

~ Jennifer asked "What do people think about gender selection?" ---> My husband really wanted a boy, since we have 2 girls, and I asked him about the aspect of gender selection. He said an emphatic "no". Which I was happy for, because I also believe it's messing with nature a little too much. But, if someone else wants to do it, well, it's their business. If the whole world started to do it there would definitely be some consequences, but until that happens, it's a "no" for me and I'll consider myself pro-choice on the topic.

~ Motel Manager asked "since you have two kids close in age, do you have any advice to offer?" ---> My girls were 15 months apart and I'll tell you, it was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. Ever. So my advice is take all what expect the life of a newborn to be from your first pregnancy and throw that out the window. Having a small toddler AND a newborn? Totally new territory. If you have daycare, keep the toddler in daycare for at least the first 8 weeks. Other than that, just know it won't last forever. It got way better after the toddler was 20 months old, so many you won't have to deal with much at all. Good luck!!

~ Anon asked an algebra question. It sucks to really show my work with fractions, but the answer is -2(a^2+7.5a+5.5) / (a-5)(a-4)(a+3).

~ Glenn asked me his age old question of "circles of equal angles". Bah I say. Bah!

~ Jamie asked "how about divorce? where do you stand and what would be grounds for divorce for you?" ---> I think divorce would be a necessary answer to infidelity and abuse. I would see it would be okay for other lesser reasons too, something as easy as "not being happy". But, and this is a huge BUT here, I think too many people give up too easily. Marriage is hard and isn't always fun and happy. So before divorce is thought of as an answer, it should be worked on and thought about. I do think the aspect of divorce has helped many men and women to find true happiness, something they wouldn't of found when divorce wasn't popular. But then again, I think people also need to try to stick it out and see if it gets better before giving up. It definitely is a double edged sword.

~ Sarah R asked "How excited is your family about this new baby coming? Have you thought of any names yet, and if so, are you sharing them? " ---> Very excited. As for names? My husband approached me and asked if we could name the baby "Karl". It made me burst into tears, as my very best friend's name was Karl. He passed away unexpectedly 4 years ago. We don't know if that will be a first or middle name, but definitely on the top of our list.


Lilith Silvermane said...

I never get bored of reading you, and you get more and more interesting everytime!

I'm really glad I've "met" you.

Lilith Silvermane said...

Weird that we just posted on each others blogs at the same time.... :)

Not in the Water said...

Thanks for answering my question...I have one tattoo - a tramp stamp from my college days...I would love another one, but not sure what or where.

You're artwork is beautiful!!!


Io said...

Hmm...I need to think of a question for you. These questions and your answers are so interesting!
I promise when I ask, it won't be calculus.

jenn said...

If I had functioning brain cells I would also think of an interesting question for you, but by 6pm they all clock out for the day!

Cate said...

I must say I like the name choice, it's my brother's name but since we agreed before we had kids not to name our children after people in the family (and we already have 3 Karls in the family) we aren't going with that option.

Topcat said...

Great post, Nancy! Would someone really throw your past back in your face? Fuck I hope not.

Your mum must be SO proud of you, now! Redemption ... I love it.


Elana Kahn said...

You know, Nancy, anyone who judges you based on what you did many years ago is a complete idiot. I respect you SO much for having the power to detox, quit cold turkey, turn your life around, etc etc. YOU GO GIRL!!!

Sugar and Ice said...

I like Karl. My grandfather's name is Carl, and I've always kind of liked it. It's not common, but it's not overused at all.

Geohde said...

No judging here. Most of us live in a house at least partially made of glass,


soapchick said...

I'm really glad you stopped using heroin too, otherwise we wouldn't be graced with your awesome personality through your blog! Thanks for sharing your life and wisdom with us Nancy!

Wordgirl said...

What can I say Nancy -- you rock. I could never in a million years do what you do -- raising two girls and another on the way, fully-committed to your work, fully in your life -- I so admire you.



Morgan said...

I've had a question but I've been debating to ask it because i don't know how to word it without sounding like a COMPLETE bitch, so keep in mind I'm just curious. But of course curiousity killed them cat..eek! :/
Anyways, my question is this. Ok you know how on here and on message boards you "tell it like it is", meaning if someone says something you dont agree with you backfire or if someone says something wrong you correct them..etc. Are you like that in person? In other words, are you as blunt in real life as you are on here? Do you tend to always speak your mind?

nancy said...

Morgan, that's a perfectly fine question to ask. The answer is YES. I am like that. My friend Laurel reads this blog and she can totally attest to it.

Mareike said...

Nancy, I love you. I have so much admiration for how you are living your life and how you take care of your children. That you disclosed your former heroine use only made me love you more. Many people forget that there are reasons that people use drugs. First being that they feel good. When you become addicted the only time you feel okay is when you have that to which you are addicted (long time nictotine addiction here and yes I have tried to quit many times.) I know that you have many fans so I don't expect a personal response. I look forward to news of the birth of Karl something or something Karl or whatever you decide to name the little guy.

nancy said...

Mareike, thank you very much for such a nice and kind comment! You made me smile!

Carrie Ann said...

Really liked this entry a lot. So honest and brave to write about your past. You could write an incredible memoir! I was hooked on nicotine for years - a different animal but still an addiction and it was hard - I can't imagine how much harder it was for you - my boyfriend of 4 yrs in college was hooked on heroin. I think you're an amazing chick! ;)