What's to look forward to? A diagnosis?

Being in a natural cycle is suddenly very strange. For months and months and months I've been being monitored for cysts and scar tissue, getting & recovering from surgery, going through IUIs, etc.

And now I'm not doing anything.

Well, I'm doing ~something~. I'm just not doing anything scientifically. Good lord, who knew I'd yearn for the wand and the doctor visits and the thousands of dollars in check writing?

So, here I am. Doing things as nature intended. I don't know if I'll get another cyst going on my own. Which, I might add, scares the bejeezus out of me. One, the pain of my large cysts SUCK big huge dirty monkey assholes. Two, a cyst would put be out of the game for two freaking months. That sucks, I'll tell ya.

Actually, I'm lying a little bit. I'm getting a ~3rd~ HSG this week. It's my post surgical HSG that just kinda surprised me. HSGs hurt like a muther on me, so I'm not looking forward to it. But with a little luck, righty will still be open and we'll see a nice dye spill. And - I already has a wanding last friday (cd2) when I came in for my non-necessary beta. (Seriously. This is a whole other vent. WHY, may I ask, do I need to get a beta when I'm bleeding like a stuck pig? The nurse said "some women continue to have periods while pregnant". Um, not this lady. This was my 31st cycle TTC and I kinda know what a non-pregnant bleed looks like. It took ~5~ hits to get blood to. Bitches.)

But I digress ... I spoke to the nurse about my worry of cysts so Doc wanted to take a quick look inside. But I don't have cysts on cd3 after an ovulation. I get them immediately after trying to ovulate. So the wanding was again, unnecessary. We spoke about me wanting to get checked after my LH surge to make sure there was free flowing fluid out there. To make sure I did ovulate. Instead, my RE discusses that he has diagnosed me with LUF syndrome (Luteinized unruptured follicle syndrome). Well, slap my ass and call me Nancy. Wait, call me something else.

LUF syndrome is defined as "Follicle rupture and release of the egg should occur within 38 hours of the urinary LH surge. Abnormal follicular development as well as pelvic adhesions can result in failure of the ovary to actually release the egg into the peritoneal (abdominal) cavity at the time of ovulation. This problem may be detected by correlating the follicle ultrasound results with urinary LH testing. HCG administration should correct this problem if it is due to a hormonal abnormality. " Sounds just like me, eh?

RE wants to just go through a natural cycle, yet monitored and administered with HCG. Exactly like the IUI without the IUI and initial drugs. EXCEPT - and here's the kicker - it'd be immensely more expensive. Because this is not treating the underlying cause of infertility (which my insurance covers), I'm likely to pay $2oo for u/s and $115 for office visit. I'd be on the hook for cd3, cd13 + trigger and cd14/15 monitoring. Plus I'd have to trigger ~4~ times!!! 7,000 IUs on cd13 and 1,000 on each cd15, cd17 & cd19. Holy cow. Of course I'd be triggering myself, so no office visit, but still, that's 3 u/s plus visits, at $315 each, totalling $930!!! That is $350 more than a friggin IUI cycle! Oh the humanity!

I'm currently waiting a call from the billing girl who I spoke with on Friday. She's going to talk to the billing god and see if I can pay a lesser fee for a "mock iui". She's also going to take a look to see what my insurance covered for cyst u/s's in the past. The problem with the past is I actually HAD cysts then. Now, I don't have them so it's billed differently. I asked, aloud, why they had to be so damned moral in their billing practices, which illicited a laugh from the office staff.

To tell you the truth, I don't want to pay for mock cycles. More to the point, I don't want to go through a mock cycle. I want to try to ovulate on my own. But I just want to see if I ~can~. I want to have some sort of knowledge that I did ovulate after the +opk. That's all. I don't want 4 days of hCG shots. I don't want 3 days of u/s. I want one u/s, after said +opk, just to put my mind at ease. I understand how it's not proactive, so I understand why RE wants to do it his way, but damn it, isn't there a chance I can do it on my own? I have had two children. I know it IS possible. So why not let me have a break while taking the necessary breaks? If I still have to be monitored and poked and prodded, might as well do IUI after IUI, right?

After saying all that, I guess I was lying quite a bit, not just "a little", as I previously said.