Her comment was "... now that Mason is here I still want more children but something inside of me is saying "would it take all the attention off him?".."would it be unfair to Mason to not be my one and only?"..."would he get jealous and not feel as loved?".....I know all of these things sound silly but the love I have for him is SO strong I don't know if I could share it fairly, does that make sense? Did you ever feel that way after your first?"MANY mothers feel like this when thinking of another child. But this is what I think many don't think about ... Why is #1 so special?
Really. I've heard the argument of waiting for #2 a certain length of time to ensure they get enough mommy alone time, but #2 (and all others) ~never~ get "alone time" with Mommy and Daddy. Somehow I feel this is always skipped when thinking about having more children - whether it's getting alone time or if attention/love would be taken away from the first.
Think of it not as #1 losing out on anything, but what #2 should be gaining. Why would anyone want to ensure #1 gets 2 years sole time with mommy when #2 would NEVER get sole time? Wouldn't you want to have another baby as quickly as possible so #1 wouldn't get special treatment over #2? Think about saying this to your second child ... "We waited a few years to have you because we wanted to be sure Timmy felt special having one on one time with Mommy and Daddy, even though you, Billy, always have had to share our love." See? When you think about it that way, the whole worrying about #1 losing out seems just silly. Anything you'd think #1 was losing out on is saying #2 doesn't get in the first place.
There is a separate worry parents have which can't be thought of this way, which is the whole "How can I love another child as much as I love my first?" And that answer is simply "You will." Love has no end and it will just continue to expand. Your first won't get less love as you make room for your second. In fact, your love for your first will even expand as you get to see your first in another light - as a sibling.
If you don't want to have another baby because you don't want your child to ever have to share your time, I can understand that. I've seen many parents want only one because they want their first to have everything given to them alone (time, attention, resources, etc) without ever having to share. But one thing they would never have to share if there was a sibling is your love. I promise - there is always enough love to go around.