Monday, February 23, 2009

Question about baby showers ...

The first three sets of questions are posed to mothers/preggos. The fourth set of questions is posed to those ttc their first. The fifth set is posed to those experiencing secondary(+) infertility.

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting?
2. Who is throwing it/them?
3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)

second time moms (2nd pregnancy)...
1. Are you having a shower for your second baby?
2. If no, why not? (skip rest of questions)
3. If yes, how long has it been since your first baby shower? Is this baby the same gender as first?
4. If yes, do you feel "bad" for having another baby shower? Are you doing anything to make it more acceptable like requesting "no gifts" or "diapers only"?
5. If yes, how many are you getting?
6. If more than one, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
7. Did you complete a registry? If yes, was there any differences from how you registered w/ your first?

third(+) time moms (3rd pregnancy or more) ...
1. Are you having a shower?
2. If no, why not? (skip rest of questions)
3. If yes, how long has it been since your last baby shower? Is this baby the same gender as first two?
4. If yes, do you feel "bad" for having another baby shower? Are you doing anything to make it more acceptable like requesting "no gifts" or "diapers only"?
5. If yes, how many are you getting?
6. If more than one, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
7. Did you complete a registry? If yes, was there any differences from how you registered w/ your first two pregnancies?

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)

Those ttc and dealing with secondary (or more) IF ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
6. Do you think there is added pressure on you to "just be happy" because you already have a baby?
7. Does the fact you are dealing with secondary(+) IF make baby showers harder or easier for you?


40 comments:

Elana Kahn said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting?

I have no idea...one to three

2. Who is throwing it/them?

One will be thrown by my cousin, another possibly by a friend who lives near me and a third possibly by my ex-coworkers

3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?

Yes, one is out of town with family, the other is work people only and the third would be my in-town friends

4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)

Nope, anything goes! I have no shame. :-D

fuentes said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting?
A) 4

2. Who is throwing it/them?
A) 3 close friends threw the first, it was a surprise, a different close friend threw the second, work threw the third, and a another close friend is throwing the 4th

3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
A) I thought I would only have 2 one for work and the 4th one that is coming up. All friends and family that were not invited to the first 2 showers are being invited to shower 4 and we are actually inviting everyone that came to shower 1 & 2 to shower 4 (there is a note on their invite acknowledging and thanking them for the gift and asking them to just bring themselves and their appetite.

4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
A) I treated my registry like a shopping list; everything I need/want for the baby is on there. I think people are smart enough to realize we don’t actually expect our furniture or other expensive items to be bought, but having that stuff on their gives them a good idea of how we are decorating and our taste.

Motel Manager said...

second time moms (2nd pregnancy)...

1. Are you having a shower for your second baby?
No

2. If no, why not? (skip rest of questions)
I don't think people typically get them, particularly if you are having a child of the same gender. I have thrown a "mommy shower" for second-time moms before (where we give them mommy-focused gifts -- spa treatments, etc.).

3. If yes, how long has it been since your first baby shower? Is this baby the same gender as first?
n/a

4. If yes, do you feel "bad" for having another baby shower? Are you doing anything to make it more acceptable like requesting "no gifts" or "diapers only"?
n/a

5. If yes, how many are you getting?
n/a

6. If more than one, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
n/a

7. Did you complete a registry? If yes, was there any differences from how you registered w/ your first?
I did do this -- mostly to remind myself of what I needed to buy. I did it at Target and bought almost everything myself, though a couple of people did buy off that list once the baby was born. It was mostly duplicate things we needed -- changing pad, monitors, diaper pail, etc. -- since our first child is still using those things.

WISHING...HOPING...and PRAYING said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting?
had 3
2. Who is throwing it/them? friends/family, coworkers, students
3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
student one was a surprise and obviously they were kids, the work one was thrown by my coworkers and was for me and another pregnant teacher, all else came to the friends/family one
4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
didn't register for clothes, wanted to pick my own

second time moms (2nd pregnancy)...
1. Are you having a shower for your second baby?
play group threw a VERY small one as a surprise just 4 people
2. If no, why not? (skip rest of questions)
figured i got a lot of gifts for first one and had most of the things i needed-i would feel horrible making people think i wanted more gifts when i have some friends still single. i feel like they have had to buy me a wedding shower and wedding gift and a baby shower gift. for my single friends i am sure it gets to be a bit tiring always buying for others' special occassions.

when i was first TTC-i secretly hated baby showers but always "sucked it up" and went. i was extremely jealous though.

when i was having secondary infertility i didn't hate them as much, but i would still always think they are so lucky to be having a baby.

~Chel~ said...

Those ttc and dealing with secondary (or more) IF ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
---Yep...I usually don't go.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
---Probably around the 6mth mark, give or take

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
---No

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
---I think RSVP-ing NO is appropriate...I guess it depends on the person ya know?

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
---I'm pretty sure I wasn't invited to 1 of our friends baby showers...I was glad for that though....

6. Do you think there is added pressure on you to "just be happy" because you already have a baby?
---OMGosh! YES YES YES!!! Everyone makes me feel like an asshole that doesn't give a shit about my son! I *know* I'm blessed to have him--but I want MORE!!!

7. Does the fact you are dealing with secondary(+) IF make baby showers harder or easier for you?
---I think IF is hard in itself, whether primary or secondary...What I think is hard about baby showers is the fact that I want one of my OWN!

Cate said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting? I had one
2. Who is throwing it/them? My mom and grandmothers
3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined? n/a
4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?) I put everything on there, my mil bought most of the big ticket items and my mom got anything I didn't get and really needed.

Those ttc and dealing with secondary (or more) IF ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all? Depends on who the mother is...
2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?) It started with ttcing #1
3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you? No
4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up? It depends on the mother, if it's one of my "hyper-fertile" friends I rsvp no with a gift, but my neice I will suck it up for.
5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? I had one friend not tell me until she was in her 9th month and 3 weeks past her shower because she thought I would be bitter
6. Do you think there is added pressure on you to "just be happy" because you already have a baby? Yes, most of it comes from my DH...
7. Does the fact you are dealing with secondary(+) IF make baby showers harder or easier for you? Easier, I at least am blessed with Lex but seeing all the tiny new baby stuff makes me long for it that much more...

Carrie said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting?
Three.

2. Who is throwing it/them?
A family friend, my best friend and my mom.

3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
Many reasons. Mostly because if I combined them all, there would be 90 people invited (I have large families) and that just seems like way too much work and socializing for one day. I'd rather they be kept small so that I actually have the time to visit with people.

The other reason is that my late fiance's family brings a lot of drama to the table so it's best just to keep them separate. And my family is kind of strict Christian whereas my friends are fun and a bit wild. My best friend is throwing a friends-only one that will be a blast and my mom is throwing a family-only one that will be more traditional/low-key. It all works out :)

4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
Nope. I put it all on there.

And because I feel like I'm still too close to the ttc phase...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
It absolutely did and surprisingly still does. I got an invitation the other day to one and I immediatley felt bitter and jealous. Totally crazy seeing that I'm 6 months pregnant and my first shower was the very next day, but apparently those feelings are still there. It shocked me that I felt that way but infertility is very scarring.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
Umm... not too far into the process just because I had a feeling there was something wrong.

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
A quick e-mail letting me know to expect it and that she'd understand if I couldn't make it always softens the blow. But since most people don't quite get it, they don't think about that. That's back when we were ttc though... now that I'm pregnant, I'm treated like "one of them," which is a strange place to be.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
Responding with a "no" and sending a gift is absolutely appropriate. Sometimes you have to put your own emotions first to keep your sanity.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
Not that I'm aware of but I know that some friends were sensitive about it and pregnancy announcements which made attending the shower easier.

uncomplicateme said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting?
I ended up with 3 - the first one was in my hometown with my family/friends there; the second one was in my current town with friends/family here; the third one was a complete surprise thrown by my co-workers.

2. Who is throwing it/them?
My sister and one BFF threw the first one; my other two BFF's threw the second; co-workers threw the third

3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
Yes, mainly distance for the first two. It's 5 hours from my hometown to my current town and it would have been a lot to ask to have those people travel to the other city and I wanted to include them all. And the third one... I didn't invite any of those people to my main shower because a)I work with only men in my immediate department and b) we had 40 people at shower #2 and it felt silly and excessive to invite the other co-workers just to have more people there.

4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
We left off the convertible car seat though I know some people like to add it, just because it seemed like excess at the time. And we left off the breast pump because I wanted to buy/find my own and hadn't gotten that far yet. We also left off clothes because EVERYONE will buy clothes and I didn't feel like adding exra.

gabsy said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all? Actually, I'm probably one of the very few facing IF yet I still enjoy going to baby showers! I love celebrating with my friends over the pending arrival of their little one, and even visiting them at the hospital after they've delivered. I think a lot of this comes from the fact that my hubby isn't home every single nigt. It's made TTC definitely harder (not that IF isn't difficult in and of itself), but I guess I'm more at peace with our situation each month [if that makes any sense at all].

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?) N/A

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you? Since no one IRL knows we're even TTC, it makes it hard for anyone to really understand things from a different perspective at times.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up? This is completely dependent on the person. For those who have difficulties attending baby showers, I think a polite "No" RSVP and sending a gift is a perfectly good response! At least your friend/family member still knows that you are thinking of them, even if it is a hard time for you.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?) Honestly, I can't say I have. One of the showers I went to was for 2 different women (1 I knew, the other I didn't). I was greeted at the door by another lady who was pregnant herself, so at first it was a little bit of a stab, but then I realized that I was there for my friend and to help her celebrate her upcoming baby girl.


Good thinking questions, Nancy!

Tricia said...

1. How many baby showers are you getting?
Two.
2. Who is throwing it/them?
My Mom and someone from work.
3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
yup.. One is for all the work people and will happen during the day. One is for my family and friends. No way could my Mom afford to have a shower for all the people in my school. The school one is at lunch and low key.
4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)

I didn't register for the furniture and breast pumps. Breast pumps are non-retunable and IMO a little weird to buy for someone. So we will wait for the baby to be born to see if we need one. I got my furniture from different sources and didn't want to get it from BRU. So I got it on my own. I also kept in mind that the economy is bad when I picked out items and didn't go for the most expensive stuff. I also didn't register for clothes, toys, blankets, binkies etc.. That is just no fun for the people shopping!

Erin said...

Hi Nancy - I have been reading your blog for a while now ( Im from WebMd) but just started keeping up with my own so I figured I'd start replying to yours!! I've really enjoyed reading all about your life and hopefully you will get something out of my blog as well!!! Anyway - to answer your questions:
Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?

Being INVITED isn't so bad... but it sucks when it is an unplanned pregnancy, or one by someone who really just shouldn't be having a baby (not in a good spot in their life, etc)

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
Only since I had my miscarriages

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?

No - its her day. My problems aren't hers.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?

I don't think you should have to go if you really don't feel like it is good for you. You have to do what is right for you.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)

Nope

Emmie :) said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
yes. those invites hurt.
2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
about a year in.
3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
no. it's my issue; not hers - she's glowing and blissful and i'm bitter and broken.
4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
i think it's perfectly appropriate to respond 'no'.
5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
yes! a friend called me and said i was being "selfish" when she found out i wasn't going. (ps - this is the same girl who got pregnant 'by accident' and didn't realize it until she was 15 weeks. meanwhile, i was knee-deep in clomid, iui's, and impending ivf.)

*baby's 1st birthday parties are just as painful as baby showers now.

i've been reading for a long time now, but this is the first time i've commented. none of my friends had ever asked me any of those questions and i wonder if they might be more sensitive if they knew the answers.

Tricia said...

Answering this one too because it still seems so fresh!
Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?

Sure it did. But, I went anyway. It's not thier fault that they are pregnant and I'm not. Each baby deserves to be celebrated.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)

I miscarried around 6 months in and after that it was really hard. But after we started seeing the RE it just became brutal.

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?

NO! That's silly! But, I would expect a close friend to understand if I just couldn't go.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?

I sucked it up each time. I just made sure I had an good escape excuse. I went to one about 4 months after my m/c. I might not have gone if it was closer. I think I would have really guilted myself about it though. So I guess it depends on how close you are to the person. I did find meetings to go to during some work showers for people I didn't know well... But, good friends.. I was always there.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)

In relation to IF? No.

Ella said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
--It hurts, but I guess I can't say it "bothers" me... I mean I don't expect my friends to *not* invite me; I understand why they invite me (I should be happy!!!), but it still hurts.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
--After my 3rd m/c

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
--No.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
--The first one. I just can't go to baby showers right now, I don't know when I'll feel that I can... but I do think it's right to acknowledge the invite an send a gift.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
--No.

Hollie said...

1. How many baby showers are you getting?
I had 3 showers
2. Who is throwing it/them?
One was from church. One was from friends and my family. One was from in-laws.
3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
Oh yes. It would have been was too many people and overwhelming for me. It was nice to be able to visit with everyone and not be too crowded. Plus in laws live a little ways away and wanted to have theirs in a different town than my family and friends.
4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
I left off breast pump. I put on big ticket items and got almost all of them, stroller/carseat, high chair, playpen.

I did have a hard time going to baby showers as soon as we started ttc. I just thought I would get pregnant right away. I sucked it up and went if it was a close friend, but I didn't go if it wasn't.

I don't see the need for another baby shower if I have another baby. If people insist, maybe we'll do something with no gifts, especially if it would be another boy.

Jess said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting?
- I have had 2 showers

2. Who is throwing it/them?
-The main one was thrown by my mom, sister and MIL, the second shower was thrown by the nurses at work who couldn't make it to the big shower

3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined?
-The nurses were all invited to the main shower but a lot of the evening nurses I work with were working that weekend and the shower was at 10am

4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
-I put everything on there except breastfeeding supplies. That seemed weird. I put the big ticket items on there in case people wanted to pitch in on items, which is what the evening staff at work did for me, they got me my highchair

Wordgirl said...

Um.

I think the only baby shower I've ever gone to was my brother's and -- it was, as you might recall -- insane.

I'm totally fine with them though. I have very little experience but am open about them.

So -- in a nutshell -- I am absolutely NO help on this topic whatsoever...

XO (now I smile too when I write it)

Pam

Liz said...

second time moms (2nd pregnancy)...
1. Are you having a shower for your second baby?

Yes--I had one 2 weeks ago.

2. If no, why not? (skip rest of questions)

3. If yes, how long has it been since your first baby shower? Is this baby the same gender as first?

It's been 3 1/2 years since my last. We don't know the gender this time.

4. If yes, do you feel "bad" for having another baby shower? Are you doing anything to make it more acceptable like requesting "no gifts" or "diapers only"?

Yes, I did. But, my family and friends were throwing it for me and insisted that it was OK.

5. If yes, how many are you getting?

One

6. If more than one, is there a reason why they can't be combined?

7. Did you complete a registry? If yes, was there any differences from how you registered w/ your first?

Sort-of. We set up a registry, more as a way for us to track things we needed or wanted. Mostly, my registry was diapers, wipes, nursing pads, etc. All totally practical items. We got some cute things, but we asked for the important stuff. (I also saved damn near everything from #1, so there wasn't a need for big items. Except the travel combo, which we went too cheap with for #1 and needed to replace.)

Melissa said...

Those ttc and dealing with secondary (or more) IF ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
**Totally depends on who it is for. If it's someone I don't like, i'm bothered. OR-if it's around any significant dates from my miscarriage

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?) After a year of ttc #2


3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
Depends how close we are. If we're bff's then some consideration would be nice, if she's an in-law or outer friend, i don't think she has to do anything special. i remember how self-involved i was during my first pregnancy


4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
**Yep, i think a gift & a no are fine to preserve what's left of my sanity


5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
**not really. (thank god for living hours from family)

6. Do you think there is added pressure on you to "just be happy" because you already have a baby?
**Yes. But i can understand it from people who haven't gone through 2ndary IF. After I miscarried i heard this constantly. It doesn't ease the loss


7. Does the fact you are dealing with secondary(+) IF make baby showers harder or easier for you?

if it's someone's 1st baby, it's okay for me. But if it's anything past their first i can't do it.

Io said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
It makes me sad.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
Eh, probably a year or two along, more after we were diagnosed.

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
Not really - it'd be nice to get a note saying they'd understand if I didn't want to attend.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
Shit, if they're getting a gift...I think this is appropriate for anyone who doesn't want to go just because they hate playing dumb games.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
Not really. I had some people gossiping about why I didn't go to one.

What Emmie said about birthday parties - it's even harder to go to my friends kids b-day parties. Even more than the pregnancy, I want a kid. And it's a reminder that time is passing and I still don't have one when the kid is turning two and I remember being jealous when the mom got pregnant...

Sarah said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?

Yes- it did for a while. I have cried and wondered why them and not me. Now after almost 2 years TTC I feel happy for them because I would not want anyone to feel like I feel. I feel like such a failure and I would not wish this on my worst enemy.


2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)

I have always loved baby showers! When we first started TTC I went to showers and really paid attention to what they were getting thinking I would need it all soon. It began to bother me only a few months in and did up until just the past month or so.


3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?

NO- I feel that it is my problem to deal with, many of the people do not know that we are TTC.


4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?

Yes and No- it depends on how close you are to the person.


5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)

No although I think that I was not invited to a shower for a friend who later told me she did not invite me because she was not sure how I would have felt about it.

Ok Nancy you tell us what you think! I am enjoying reading everyones answers.

~*JaYmE*~ said...

Hey Nancy! Haven't commented to you lately and just wanted to say hello & tell you that Karl is looking as cute as can be!

1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all? Yes, I prefer not to go to them but depending on the person I will go.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)From the start. I knew I would have problems so as soon as I started TTC I didn't like showers.

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you? No. Its their day and I dont think I should make it any different.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up? If it was a close friend I would suck it up and go... if not a simple RSVP and a gift would be fine.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?) Not yet but I'm sure its comming!

Not in the Water said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all? YES/NO SOMETIMES
2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?) ABOUT 1 1/2 AND ESP AFTER M/C'S
3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you? MOST DIDN'T KNOW
4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up? IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO YOU SHOULDN'T GO
5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?) DRAMA AROUND DH'S COUSIN'S WIFE. SEE REST OF COMMENT.

***************

So funny you posted about it.

Showers here are typcially at reception halls, catering halls etc and include any where from 30 - 75 (sometimes more people) There are favors and craziness.

You also DO NOT have 2nd (or more) baby showers. Unless of course, you last baby can now drive you the hospital, or you're having multiples, or some kind of extenuating circumstances. However, I know some people who have a mini shower say 10 friends for a little luncheon to celebrate the baby on the way.

Last year DH's cousin gets preggers again and we get invited to a 2nd baby shower. Now when you got knocked up at 21, what made you think you wouldn't have another child? And why should I and the rest of the family have to supply you with baby gear b/c you threw it all out? Your son is 4!! Pissed off a lot of the family.

Just this Saturday...DH and I got an invite to a COUPLE'S SHOWER. It's the couple's 2nd baby. I am sorry your first was a girl and you chose to register for all pink gear including the pack n play and the stroller. But I am not going to supply you with now blue gear just a few short years later.

This mom to be actually registered a full registry...first time mom full registry! Pack n play, strollers/car seat set, car seat, boppy bedding etc.

I am not going!And nothing to do with TTC woes. I will not go to 2nd baby showers...when someon ehas a baby I will always get them a gift whether or not they have a shower.

SO TICKS ME OFF!!

joyous melancholy said...

I had one shower, thrown by my BFF and I invited everyone to that. No Family Shower and Friend Shower and Work Shower and Church Shower - exhausting, and I was already exhausted.

I didn't get anything from my registry at my shower. A couple things. Family from across the country sent me a few things from the registry. Mostly it ended up being a shopping list for myself, so when I went to get stuff after the baby was born and I was dead on my feet I didn't have to remember what I needed.

Leslee said...

I belong in the fourth category:
Those ttc +1 ...
1. A little bit, but I'd rather be invited than not
2. After my husband's azoospermia diagnosis it was hard... after our failed IVF cycles, it was even harder, now that we've passed the four year mark, it's near impossible, but I make do.
3. No, absolutely not. But its nice if she does.
4. I think whatever you decide is what you should do... I think that either option is perfectly respectable.
5. No, thank goodness!

ssbean said...

First time moms (1st pregnancy)

1. How many baby showers are you getting? For sure 2.

2. Who is throwing it/them? 2 SIL's throwing one for hubby's side and his group; my aunt and friend, for my side, and my group.

3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined? Kinda but not really. I'm anti social stuff, so a big huge party where I'm the guess of honor kind of thing, is scary, my blood pressure would go through the roof and I would miss my own shower. Also, one is convenient for a particular group, an the other convenient for the other group. The 2 showers are about an hour away from each other. No real excuse, just some little ones. Except the fear of big parties, that's big, real big.

4. Is there anything you left off of registries? Yes, furniture, mattress, travel system, mobile, and a few little things that really aren't important for the newborn, that we'll worry about later. I did register for my breast pump, but I'm gonna buy it. Didn't register for pacifiers or receiving blankets, or clothes. Those are things people will get anyway, requested or not.

Mandy said...

first time mom

how many-3

who-mom and sister, inlaws, work

No-my family lives 2 hrs away in direction, inlaws 3 hrs in another direction, and work is for 3 of us

anything left off? breast feeding things, furniture

Nic said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all? - yes, sadly it makes me so jealous, I hate going as it reminds me of what we do not have

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?) - before the TTC process as I have known I have endometriosis for a long time and possibly infertile since 18

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you? - No because no one knows we are TTC

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up? - I think suck it up if close friend or family. If you do not know them very well a gift and 'no' is ok.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)- thankfully not yet. Of course other than the usual questions of when are we going to have a baby etc

The Captain's Wife said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting? I had 3 showers (friends and family, full time job had one, and previous part time co-workers threw one

2. Who is throwing it/them? Sister threw the Friends/family, my friend and co-worker threw the work one and my Aunt threw the previous co worker one.

3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined? Totally different groups of people. My FF one had 60 people invited, my work one had over 60 people in attendance and my part time work one was nice and small (10)

4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
I did not register for any walkers, exersaucers, swings, clothes....One of my friends has a 3 yr old daughter and 1 yr old son and I am using a lot of her items, no need to buy new for such a limited use.

jenn said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting? one


2. Who is throwing it/them? my best friend from home with lots of help from mom & friends from here


3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined? already combined the work shower with the family/friend shower- it was really nice that way actually!


4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
mainly just clothes- no one sticks to the registry for clothes anyway & I already overdid it buying myself! Surprisingly- it's not too bad. She does have a lot of 0-3 & 3-6 sizes, but I don't think it's too excessive. She has very little newborn sizes- so she may actually wear all her clothes!

Seriously? - Erin said...

1st time mom (2nd pregnancy). I chose not to have a shower for a few reasons. I feel it is bad luck to celebrate a life that is not here yet, anything can happen. I also hate being the center of attention and taking gifts. My bridal shower was painful enough.

I did register at the request of my Mom and MIL so they could buy some things. A few people bought things off of it but nothing on it was big ticket. I think the most expensive thing was $65.

Jenera said...

I had two baby showers for Aidan but that was because my family is full of ass wipes who didn't listen to me about anything and really only had the party for themselves. I registered but nobody used it mainly because my parents had bought the 'big ticket' items and already knew what we wanted/needed. Other than those things, I got mostly clothes and things like that at the shower.

I didn't have a second shower with Sam mainly because we had moved here to Idaho and only a select few of the hubby's people like me. But mainly because I didn't really want one. We had the same sex but we only had a few things left from Aidan due to several moves in the time between.

JamieD said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
A: In the beginning - when the girls who started trying when I started trying were pregnant and I was still trying to get out of the starting gate.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)
A: Around a year. Long enough into the process that it 'should have been me' because I started trying first. Sigh - I'm so self-centered.

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
A: No, it really is her day. A girl should be allowed to bask in her pregnant glory for a couple of hours at her baby shower. The only time I felt I deserved special attention is when being told of a pregnancy the first time.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
A: I would RSVP a 'no' and send a gift if it were best for me. Like I said, the shower time is about her and I don't want to take away from that by showing up and being a basket case. Sending a 'no' would be both for her benefit as well as my own.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
A: My worst experience was when I was asked to help plan a baby shower for a woman who really is a good friend of mine but her baby was due the week before my first would have been due if I hadn't lost it. The woman who wanted my help knew of my m/c, but I agreed to do it any way because the baby-mama is a dear friend of mine. Then the woman who wanted my 'help' backed out and didn't even come to the shower so I was left doing it all on my own when what I really wanted to do was get drunk and cry. Actually, after the shower, that is just what I did.

Miss Tori said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?

No, it doesn't bother me, if it is a contemporary (or friend) of mine. What does bother me are the kids (teenagers) who have babies. That bothers me.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)

Again, if it is a friend or family member, it doesn't bother me.

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?

No, why? She's the one having the baby, not me. It would be very selfish of me to expect her to accomodate me. If it truly bothered me, then I wouldn't go.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?

For the two girls who work for my DH that got pregnant, we bought them nice gifts, but didn't attend. These were the teenagers I mentioned above, and I knew I'd see red if I went to their shower. However, because of their circumstances, I did buy much needed items for their babies.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)

No. I'm very fortunate that I have not become so bitter that I can't stand being around other women who are pregnant or who have kids. Maybe because I've not been at this TTC thing for as long as others, or haven't gone through as much "stuff" as others. But I am not going to begrudge these women for their blessings. I will help celebrate the precious gift(s) they received.

Jendeis said...

I'm TTC'ing #1, but have not been invited to any baby showers since we started TTC. Ooh, except Lindsay's Paper Pregnant Party, which was awesome b/c Lindsay is awesome and I was so happy for her and it was populated by many IFers (with kids and without) so I didn't feel bad about it at all.

I'm pretty open about our IF, so I don't have any problems with telling obnoxious people with their "you better get on that, you're getting older" crap that we're infertile and they can go stuff it. Or something more polite...

Right now, it's the pregnancy announcement that is the most sensitive for me as opposed to the baby shower, and that may require some delicacy.

Christina said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?
~No, it isn't their fault that I'm not pregnant and they are.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?
~No, this is her special day, it has nothing to do with me.

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?
~It depends how I feel at the time. Sometimes I'm a bitter biotch and I RSVP a no. But if it's a good friend I'll usually go.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)
~nope

Steph O. said...

Ok, posting my answers here! (it's not like I never comment on your blog!)

DH & I have been TTC for 3yrs & 3 months now---

1.Going to baby showers bothers me. The invites are just reminders that this isn't so hard for others. I'd rather get the invite & know that I was included than not be invited at all though.

2. Poss Trigs- Baby showers started to bother me after my second m/c in June 05. This was actually a few months before we started officially TTC, but it really hit hard. (to make things worse, the cat that i'd had since i was 16 died the wk after. it was a BAD month) A couple we know had their 4th that yr (only girl) & that was the last shower I went to.

3. I don't think that anyone's baby shower should be about me. It's the mother's day, if I can't handle being there, that's my choice, but I don't need special accomodations.

4. It's a perfectly acceptable response! In fact, if I can't deal with the baby section, I've been known to do gift cards, or even give cash as a "chip in" for something large. Call me selfish, but I don't feel like "sucking it up".

5. YES! My SIL had her second about the time I hit my 1yr mark. I was trying my best to still be excited for her & I really wanted to help with the shower. Well, one of her friends decided to throw it & then chose a day that I couldn't come. (i had just started at dtv, there were 5 wks of "no time off for any reason") I was so pissed!

KimboSue said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...
1. How many baby showers are you getting? 3
2. Who is throwing it/them? 1 - neighbors, 2 - sister and BFFs, 3 - boss and work people
3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined? #1 was just neighbors and Bunko friends #2 was combined lots of friends plus family. #3 work couldn't combine, because its mostly guys in IT and they are only doing it for the free cake.
4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)Not that I am aware of...

I really wanted to answer the TTC questions too since we had IF for so long, but I'll refrain

JP said...

first time moms (1st pregnancy, regardless of # of babies) ...Due 9/27
1. How many baby showers are you getting? Probably 2
2. Who is throwing it/them? A small one at work, and a larger friend/family one.
3. If you are having more than one shower, is there a reason why they can't be combined? Yes. One will be at work and though we work together every day, we (for the most part) aren't together socially.
4. Is there anything you left off of registries? (big ticket items? breastfeeding supplies? Anything?)
I haven't registered yet. Right now, I think that I'll register for everything except the breast pump.

Anonymous said...

Those ttc +1 ...
1. Does being invited to baby showers bother you at all?

-Yes, I prefer not to go.

2. If yes, when did it start to bother you? (ie: how long in the ttc process?)

-after about a two years of ttc

3. Do you think the girl who invited you should have done anything special to accommodate you?

-no, it's not her responsibility

4. Do you feel rsvp-ing w/ a "no" and sending a gift is an appropriate response for your own self preservation? Or do you think your own IF is no reason to not attend and you should just suck it up?

-I think that rsvp-ing with a no and sending a gift is perfectly acceptable. That's what I typically do when I'm invited to showers.

5. Have you ever had a bad experience in regards to a baby shower invite? (drama involved either being invited or even ~not~ being invited?, etc?)

-No, I do have a person I worked with previously not even tell me she was pregnant. I found out at a work event we both attended. I was not invited to the shower.