Monday, November 12, 2007

my uterus is confused. (diet and pictures too)

I feel ~very~ premenstrual. Very.

I'm on cd30 and I'm on birth control pills. I have 3 more days of the pill and I gotta tell you, I don't know if the medication is going to hold out what my body definitely wants to do. If it does start, screw the last 3 pills (or two, or one) because it's not going to matter THAT much. As far as I'm concerned, I would like C14 to get on it's merry way, get the HSS and find out what the fuck my follicles are going to do. Ovulate? Maybe. Hold onto the egg and create a giant cyst? That could be a very real outcome too. A shitty outcome, as I would really like to NOT have to go on birth control pills for another month to settle them down, but a possible outcome nonetheless.

My poor husband. And poor me. No sex for 11 days now. Plus, it was his birthday last week! No birthday sex. Oh, and I got my yearly cold sore due to the weather changing to cold. So none of that either. I feel bad for the poor guy. I think I may be done spotting as of today, so we may have some action tonight. That's if roller derby doesn't do me in.

(children mentioned & some triggery pregnancy pictures. Look away if you are having a bad day!!!)

Not much going on. Just got back from a weekend trip to the inlaws. They've got a crazy insane giant house out of town and it's great for the kiddos. They got to ride horses (not the inlaws) and run around and scream and do all the things kids do. I read. I ~never~ get to read anymore. Ever. So it was nice.

Oh - the diet. The diet! I started it today. It's a pre-packaged meal plan and I was inspired by Sara. (by the way, sara, you owe me something like $380 if this doesn't work.) I don't plan to do it more than 4 weeks, unless of course, I start to lose all kinds of weight and start to look like a model. Then I'll keep it up. I really wanted to do it to learn how to eat and what it takes to eat to lose weight. I'm a horrible eater - I always have. When I gave birth to Allison, I started cutting my eating drastically and I lost it. Oh, how I lost it. I'm sure the breastfeeding helped, but more than that - being literally driven insane by a small 15 month old baby and a newborn was the main culprit. As soon as I gained control of mmy life, I plumped back up to normal.
A little background. I'm 5'7" and athletically built. I was super skinny pre-30s and then I settled in at around 135. Still thin, yes, and it looked good when it was muscle. But when it was 10 lbs of fat, things weren't so great. I weigh more than I look like I weigh. When I tell people I weight 145 lbs, they don't believe me. But I do. I really do. And I actually think I weight 148 lbs, as I am under scale suspicion right now. My ticker may have to be upped soon, but until then, I'm sticking with the 145.

Let's do a pictorial ...
This is how I was back when I first found out I was pregnant (yes, we were a belly picture taking family). I was 8 weeks pregnant here and ~not~ showing. I was about 135 lbs pre-pregnancy and I worked out, so I carried it very well.

Holy shit. These pictures still frighten me. I was 185 lbs here and I ended up having the baby the next day. 50 lb pregnancy weight gain. Whoa.

This is 6 months after that last picture and I am 6 weeks pregnant. Again, not showing. But you can see how I'm a little "soft". I'm about 140 in this picture and ~not~ muscluar.

Ack. Sorry. Again, it freaks me out. And this is only one baby. I couldn't imagine twins inside me. I was huge. Not one of those cutesy little pregnant women. I was GIANT. Anywho. Yeah. I was 190 here, another 50 lbs weight gain. And I gave birth later that day.

This was me 8 months later. Ahhh. Skinnidom. Okay, okay, I was too skinny. I was 125 lbs without any muscle. It was weird how flabby and how skinny I was at the same time.

(In case anyone is interested in the entire belly progression through pregnancies, you can go here. I don't want to post all of them here)

The last picture lasted about 6 more months and I slowly started to gain. It also coincided with baby making. Was it due to the fertility drugs? I surely say it was. But it probably was only a small part of it all. Again, I eat terribly and it was my fault. Like I said earlier, sitting at 145 by this morning's scale, which may actually be 148. I would LIKE to get to 130, but right now, my goal is 135.

I'll update as things progress.


Katarina Jelly Beana said...

Oohh. Poor hubby. Poor YOU. Geez. I'd go crazy.

Love the pics. They both look nothing like one another and like they could have been taken on the same day.

Kim said...

You're doing awesome! I've lost 50'ish pounds and it was SO HARD, but very worth it. I'm not done yet, but I can't handle IF *and* dieting 100% of the time. It helped to look at it all as a lifestyle change, though.

Thank you for patiently waiting for my update :O). That was too sweet! I usually do so much earlier, but today was the longest day ever and I didn't want to post until I got my E2 level.

To answer your question, we only have two cycles left because R is commissioning into the Navy as an officer and he'll (we'll.. not sure yet) be up in RI for 3-4 months, then GA for 6 months.. then we have no idea where. But military ART facilities are few and far between and full of wait lists, none of which we could get on until we have a duty station (end of '09 or sometime in '10). So yeah, it's complicated and there are a lot of variables involved. I guess we'll re-evaluate when that time comes.

Anonymous said...

You're lucky coz you carry all in front and don't seem to put the weight on other parts. It also depends on muscles so you were probably very fit before getting pregnant. But I admit, it looks alarmingly huge!


jenn said...

first- i hope you don't need those last pills & your body gives you a perfect natural cycle.

second- wow- i am right there with you on the no sex- my drive is MIA & so is hubby's right now- we're at +13 days. but there is absolutely no excuse for us.

third- i am just like you (well- not really) with the weight thing. i'm not sure what i'm at now- but at my heaviest it was pushing 170 (yikes!) now- i'm only 5'3", but while I was definitely chubby & overweight- I never looked like I was 170. Now I'm probably about 20 pounds down after the surgery, but it's hard. I lost 40 pounds the right way with a lifestyle change & exercise, but once you've starting eating right the weight comes off much slower. I think I have to live with a slighter larger 'ideal' because I will never be 135 again- heck- 145 would be pretty good!
this comment is turning into a post- I really just wanted to commend you on your goals & I know you'll get there. Hopefully it's after a third enormously gorgeous belly shot though!

SaraS-P said...

Good luck getting that money off me if it doesn't work! Don't know where I'd get it from!

Good luck!

jamie said...

I have the skinny but squishy thing going on right now. I am 5'4" 120lbs. I find that the worst thing is all of this extra skin (not to mention strech marks) I have on my tummy from the baby. Oh and I also lost a lot of weight in my chest. From a D to a C. I wanted to mention that I am a big fan of slimfast and smoothie king or jamba juice. They seem to get me full without having to eat a bunch of calories and they have all kinds of vitamins and all that good shit that you don't ever really chose to eat. Also, I really like these fiber one chocolate chip bars. Good Luck dieting with the holidays coming up though.

chicklet said...

Holy, your belly was so out-front! Very cool (and lucky cuz probably not much on the ass).

Good luck with the diet:-) Damn infertility, makes us all fat...

Sarah R said...

I think you really looked great pregnant and great afterwards too (you were a cute preggo, all belly).

I have lost all of my pregnancy weight too; it came off really fast (breastfeeding is awesome). I wish I could get my belly to tone up again. It feels softer than I'd like. I'm hoping that it'll gradually tone up as I continue to BF (going to do it for a year total) and exercise (I try to find time to walk but can't go as much as I used to).

Good luck with your HSS!