Why would you give up? (updated)

I read ~a lot~ of IF blogs out there and every now and again, I see women give up.

Some of these women, I can understand. These are women who have come to their end, be it for any personal reason. I can understand if someone has spent tens of thousands of dollars and just can't do it anymore. Or if someone finally realizes their bodies will not cooperate, no matter what is tried. Or maybe the reached their magical "too old" age. There could be many valid reasons I could definitely understand. And maybe them giving up is just giving up ~trying~. Maybe they'll put themselves on birth control so the possibility is out, because sometimes that's what it takes to move past it. Maybe they'll pursue adoption. Maybe they'll pursue a life without children. Maybe they'll pursue a life with the children they already have.

Then there are some women I don't understand.

And let me just say, just because I don't understand, it doesn't mean I don't respect their decision. What I am talking about it is extremely personal, of course. Just because I may not agree with their decisions, doesn't mean I don't think they should be allowed to make that decision for themselves. I think everyone needs to be supported in any decision they make, as long as the decision doesn't hurt themselves or others around them. This whole post is just me thinking about the confusion I have over some people's decisions. It's ~not~ because I don't respect their decision.

I see some women give up at really weird times. Like they've been trying to conceive for only a handful of months and they just decide it's not happening, so they are going to give up. Not because they want to put it off until later - maybe until they are older, have more money, are in a better place in the marriage, but they just quit "forever". Hrm. I've seen other women give up because of a medical problem, but it's a medical problem they are on the precipice of solving! For example, let's say a woman finally was diagnosed with an issue. And this issue is 98% treatable with medication, but it could be one in ten medications. She takes the first 2 medications and they fail, but she has 8 probable meds left. But instead of trying one of the last eight, she just says she's done. She's sick of failing so she quits. ARGH!! But she has 8 meds left!!! The probability of one of those meds working is like 78.4%.

I wonder why these women quit so "easily" while so many other women will do anything and everything they can to try to succeed. Is it that the survivors ~want~ it more? Are the survivors just tougher? Do you think the quitters are so afraid of possible REAL failure, that they don't want to come to that point? For example - the women who only has a 2% chance of her condition not being treatable - is she too afraid to get to that point? The point where she may find out it's not treatable and there is nothing more she can do? She only tried 2 times to correct it, but if these other 8 things don't work, she can stand to face the future of a body that failed her? What about the other women? The woman who just quit after a handful of times? Do you think ttc is so hard on some women, that they'd rather never have children so they don't have to have temporary heartache of failing? Or maybe it was they weren't ready for kids in the first place. Like I said, I don't get it.

By the way - I'm not talking about the temporary "I can't take this anymore" and someone takes a break. I know that I've contemplated just saying "fuck it" and putting my IUD back in and forgetting the whole thing, but I knew that wouldn't actually quit. Just thinking about it sometimes helps me see that it's not what I want to do.

I'm also not talking about the women who say they are going to stop ~trying~ by they aren't going to prevent. While sometimes this is a wonderful thing to be able to let the obsessions go, I rarely see it happen. They still obsess about things and usually, it's worse because since they are trying to quit trying, they have no fucking idea where they are in their cycle! I will admit that these women grate on my nerves. They make big announcements that they are going to let it all go - that they are going to not try anymore - that they are going to let the cards lay as they fall. But they whine about it the most because they now have very little knowledge of what is going on, yet they still want to outcome we all want. Or they decide halfway that they DO want to know what's going on, but it's too late in their cycle to get a hold onto something concrete. No, I can't look at two temps from cd23-26 and tell you if you are pregnant or not!

This turned into a little vent, but what the hell - it's my blog, right?

Personally, I think a woman should do one of the following in the aspect of ttc:
A. Try to conceive with all the tools available to them and obsess about everything and anything.
B. Pick the tools that are most valuable and rely on them to give them all the information they'll want to know during their cycle.
C. At the very least, determine ovulation and let the rest of the cycle go.
D. If you have been trying for awhile or already know of an IF issue you have, continue to try to resolve the issue with a reputable RE.
E. Don't try, but don't prevent. But DON'T go and obsess to everyone around you about the information your don't know, but could of had if you did more.
F. Take a real break and stop ttc, knowing that ttc will still be in the future.
G. Honestly stop ttc and pursue your life in the way you need to (adopt, live child free, etc) but don't take birth control so a miracle is still a possibility.
H. Honestly stop ttc and pursue your life in the way you need to (adopt, live child free, etc) and take some sort of birth control, so ttc is really and completely something in the past.

Yup. Those are my ideas of what all the possibilities should be. Heh. (Like I'm an expert or something!) And I will say that right now, I'm a B. I've been an A before and I would like to be a C, but I'm okay being a B now.