HSS was this morning. While the uterus "looked great", he followed up with a "but...".
~ Previous to both surgeries, my uterus was 50%+ sealed shut with scar tissue.
~ After surgery #1, 20-30% was still covered in scar tissue.
~ After surgery #2 (the most recent), I have "a thin webbing" of scar tissue right in the freaking middle of my uterus. Both sides look great, but the webbing isn't good. RE said I could still get pregnant, but if the egg implanted anywhere near the webbing, I'll most likely miscarry.
Here are my options:
1) Do nothing. See if I get pregnant. If I get pregnant, cross my fingers I don't miscarry.
2) Get surgery #3. He said it would be the most minor or surgeries, requiring only a "snip" of the scissors to cut the webbing apart. I asked about the balloon, he said most likely I won't need it, but if it's thicker than he can see via ultrasound, it will be necessary.
3) Do nothing for now, but get it later. He said he would ~not~ perform IVF with the webbing present and he would require the surgery if I go that route. Damn, this point is the one that really shows me #1 isn't an option if I want to get pregnant again.
How fair is this? ~Another~ surgery? THREE? Three in 4 months. This is not cool. Not cool at all.
I guess the only "good" thing about it is I wouldn't miss too much time. I would have to go on bcps right now to chill out the follies I have present right now (I've got 2 on the left - today is cd11). They'll be calling me with the nearest surgery date, so hopefully it'll be soon. Then, I'll have to take the obligitory 3-4 weeks of estrogen and then allow the bleed to happen and THEN I'll be able to do a treatment cycle. So, if I can get surgery scheduled within the next two weeks, I'll be able to do a femara/IUI cycle in January.
I want to cry, but I'm numb about it. Actually, I'm pissed off about it. This is C14 and I've had what? 3 cycles I was able to trigger ovulation to avoid cysts? And two of those were presurgical, so those were most likely out, as I had a very faulty oven. One of those was post #1 surgery, but I still was 20-30% faulty. My goodness. Can a girl just get a fucking ~chance~??? Any idea how aggravating it is to not be able to have a chance? I'm not even giving a chance to fail. I've been in a holding pattern for over a year. And I used to think TAB for one cycle was hard. Try 14 cycles.
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
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2007
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November
(31)
- Nurse Called.
- Surgery is scheduled
- Santa and Children (children obv mentioned)
- Took a day off.
- hard day.
- You all ~rule~.
- Unfair. UnFreakingFair.
- there's no shame in pooping.
- I can't sleep, i type extraordinarily long comment...
- 4th post today!
- 3 a day
- updated photos
- derby foot.
- Hey - Grammar police ...
- so sick.
- What is your rule for cd1?
- nothing.
- CRAMPS! (and diet update)
- boobies.
- grammar.
- Blogger Flame of Fortitude
- I have to get it done today.
- my uterus is confused. (diet and pictures too)
- healthcare. kinda.
- Blogtavism, My Story
- I've been deflated.
- Do you know how much I hate it?
- Thank you for all the well wishes!
- Ouch.
- Why would you give up? (updated)
- Surgery was successful.
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November
(31)
24 comments:
I was just catching up and caught this - I am really really sorry. I know words don't help much, but I hate this. No one should have to go through this.
I'm so sorry, I have no words. ~Hugs~
I'm so sorry Nancy. That SUX, no way around it.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Im so sorry Nancy...what a tough spot. I wish I had the magic answer...thinking of you!
HUGS Nancy so sorry!!!
Or 34 cycles. Or is it 35? I dunno, I lost count.
So sorry you have to wait again. That blows. It sounds like they'd treat it as a surgery for a septate uterus, only a little easier I'd imagine.
I hope all goes well if you do have to have surgery. Hopefully it'll be your very last one.
Shit hun, my heart sank when I heard that this morning. I know you don't want to have another surgery...hell, who does right? but at least if they can get it soon you can hang out with me until Jan. and we can do our medicated cycles together! I still wish you could just move on though! Call me if ya get a chance (and/or want to) ;)
Luv ya!
((hugs))
Hey Nancy, you don't have to post this..it's just my opinion, even thought in the end nothing matters except what you want to do(i hope the grammer police isn't reading, i get so confused with except and accept,lol)
I think you should get the surgery done and over with! I know I know, easier said than done.
As far as option 1, WHAT IF you do miscarry...will you spend the rest of your life regreting not getting the surgery sooner or beforehand? There is always the inevitable "WHAT IF". I just think if you get it done, get it over with, then you can take a deep breath and be done with all the sugeries. You definatly don't want to walk around with more weight on your shoulders knowing in the back of your mind you still have to get that last surgery in. You are a tough women Nancy, the toughest I've ever known and heck I haven't even met ya....you can get through this! I have faith in you! :)
I'm sorry to hear this Nancy - it totally sucks. But like anon said you are one tough woman and will get thru this. January is just around the corner. ((hugs))
Sorry Nancy,
Good luck with whatever decision you choose. I guess your baby still isn't ready for you yet...
Shayna - I actually thought of you when I started this. I wish you would have been able to be diagnosed after that first year. Luckily (and totally UNluckily) for your heart, you didn't know about not having a chance for those first 24~ish cycles. I'm NOT discounting that it IS worse for you - you've been trying longer with no chances, I know. I can't imagine how disappointing it must be for you right now. I've only had 14 cycles of no chances, 20+ less than you!
But you know how much MORE it hurts your heart when you KNOW the issue, try to fix it and it fails? How much worse has the past 3 cycles been for you? Pretty bad, right? That's how it's been for me for the last 6 months. The disappointment is tremendous. The WORST is when I find it failed and instead of getting to try something new as soon as my cycle starts, I have to go on bcps, wait for surgery, get surgery, take drugs to recover for 3-4 weeks, then when the new cycle finally gets here, I get to find out if it was a success or not. If it was, I have another month of TAB, if it wasn't, I have to repeat it all again.
Thank goodness my RE caught this and I wasn't still trying on my own, thinking everything was okay. Same with you - I'm so glad they figured out what your issue was and you are going through the steps it takes. 150mg failed for you, which sucks so bad. But maybe Femara will work (my RE says it can stimulate woman who have no reaction to clomid). Maybe more clomid will work. Maybe you'll hve to go to injectibles and that will work. Bottom line is we ~both~ have a plan to move forward. I really wish you didn't have to wait a whole 2 years to start on your plan, but at least it's here now, right? And I have a plan too. Hopefully this next surgery will do the trick for me. Again, I'm SO sorry you've had to go through 35 cycles without a chance - it's got to be so much worse than how I'm feeling right now.
That is horrible news. I'm just so sorry.
I am so sorry Nancy. You are one of the worlds strongest women. You have been through so much. I can't believe that yet again, you have to have surgery. I really hope everything goes well. You are always in my thoughts!
-Lauren (L_Chelle)
this just sucks. really & truly fucking sucks.
I'm so sorry & I wish there was some way to hit fast forward to get you going again with a perfect oven & no more heartache(break).
giant hugs for you.
thanx for your support...my one of two readers. i'm keeping my fingers crossed for you as well. you have gone for second and third opinions i assume...twice i was told i needed surgery when i didn't. i don't have a lot of faith in doctors. one told me i was bound to have a tubular pregnancy and now i can't get that fear out of my head.
Nancy - don't give up, persistence will pay off. You are very strong and like you said - this one will require very little downtime. My thoughts are with you.
I'm just seeing this today. Nancy, I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. The whole situation sucks.
Good luck with deciding on what you're going to do next. I know it's difficult, but you will do the right thing, of that I am sure. HUGS!
Holy god, how the hell? That is just so freakin crazy unfair!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. This jsut plain sucks.
although the journey is often difficult...think of the outcome! good luck with your final (hopefully) surgery!
OMGsh, no, I wasn't discounting your journey at all, it was meant more of agreeing with you in saying that trying with ~no~ chance for that long totally sucks and we're both examples of it.
I didn't mean to make that sound like I have it worse off, because that's like comparing apples to oranges. I can't imagine knowing what's wrong and not how to fix it or knowing I'd have to have another surgery. That is something no one should ever have to feel.
I just wanted you to know that someone ~still~ cares about you and is on almost the same path as you, so you don't have to feel alone. I'm still pulling for you and I hope this will be your absolute last surgery ever....unless you have to have a c-section of course, hehe.
♥
lol. And I didn't mean to make it sound like that was what you were saying either. We are so worried any tiptoeing around one another - we have exchanges like this. :) My comment was to make sure you knew I knew that you've been at it longer and i wasn't dicounting you! :)
I am so sorry Nancy. That really sucks. I know no words can help right now. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope things turn around for you.
Amy
Oh, Nancy, that sooo sucks! I am truly sorry that you're going through all this crap.
Nancy -
I'm new to your blog (just came by way of Infertility Sucks!). I know you feel like you are wasting time - but it sounds like your doc is giving you good advice - he/she wants you to have the best chance possible for a successful pregnancy. I know, surgery sucks and you have been waiting and waiting and waiting. (Warning: assvice ahead): Try to let go of the expectations that this will happen at this time and that will happen at that time. It'll cause a lot less stress if you try to accept you don't have total control over this (I know, right! Sure! Easier said then done!). Anyway, try to take care of yourself.
--Ali
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