I had very vivid ET dreams last night. Weirdo.
It started out with me being there at 8am for an appointment and them telling me it was at 1215pm and being really pissed and yelling at people. Then I came back and had the mock-transfer and actually 'felt' the speculum. Seriously. Who dreams about feeling the speculum? Yeah, apparently I do.
Then the dream morphed into something completely different and I ended up in Phoenix with people chucking giant rocks into the streets and me having to run away so I didn't get beaned with one. Then my car got stolen. ~shrug~.
Nothing to 'report' ttc-wise as I'm just waiting for AF to show. Based on Friday's b/w, it shouldn't be until Wednesday-Thursday. So I wait and continue to take in protein.
My neck-lump is still with me. Awesome.
I'm a little annoyed about the issue of poas too. I'm not annoyed ~at~ anyone, just about the idea of the subject in general. I understand that the majority of women don't want to poas too soon. That's fine. But don't treat the aspect of testing as something bad or weak.
It's simply a personal choice.
Some women don't want to know if it's a BFN earlier than necessary. They like to live in a mock-pregnancy world for just another day. Me? The hope of one more day is just more hope to come crashing down on me. There is no way I want to build it anymore than necessary. I've said it before, hope is a bitch.
Some women get ~more~ frustrated with obsessing when they get a BFN early, because YES, it can still turn positive later. Me? An early BFN doesn't really phase me too much. And a BFN today won't change if it's a BFP tomorrow. I'll still be happy over a later BFP. But all in all, for me, the easier "final bfn" is easier for me to deal with when I chip away at my hope everyday. Sure, maybe it'll be a bfp in the end, but if it's not, I'm happy that I didn't build my hope.
But see, this is all just me. I don't care if women don't poas. That's fine. But don't make the women who do poas feel bad for doing so. You don't want to? Than don't. You want support and reasons for not doing so? Great, ask for them and get support. But please remember some women do poas early for very valid reasons, so don't 'talk down' on the practice. - it's just not for everyone. (and just to note again, this is not directed towards anyone, just a subject that has continued to bother me for, oh, the last 6 years.)
... Once (and still) Infertile, but still Schnarky as hell. This blog is dedicated to the daily ramblings from the mind of Nancy. It isn't about anything profound in the grand scheme of things, but it ~is~ about things in my life, schnarkiness always included. I have a second blog, listed in my profile, but the blogs will continue to remain separate.
"I'm aiming for heaven, but I'll probably wind up down in hell"
About Me
- nancy
- I am a 39 year old woman. I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a handsome son. I am a career woman. As for my TTC world, it certainly doesn't seem like I am "infertile", but I fought for my pregnancies and my TTC/IF history is on the sidebar. I have two blogs, which are both listed in my profile. One focuses on my daily life - including IF, TTC, pregnancy, delivery and even some "children mentioned" posts. The second blog is ~soley~ posts directly about being the mother to my three children.
Belly Pics for #3 only.
Click stick figure to see the consecutive pictures from this pregnancy only.
My TTC History
- Jul 01 ~ married
- Jan 02 ~ First cycle off bcps and opk shows ovulation!
- Dec 02 ~ Went to pcp for RE referral
- Jan 03 ~ Testing commences. S/A perfect. HSG clear.
- Feb 03 ~ Lap #1. All clear.
- Apr 03 ~ Clomid cycle #1. BFN.
- May 03 ~ Clomid cycle #2. BFN.
- Jun 03 ~ Clomid cycle #3. BFN.
- Jul 03 ~ Supposed to be IUI#1, but we missed cd3 so natural cycle
- Aug 03 ~ BFP on C18.
- Apr 04 ~ Ella born.
- Oct 04 ~ decided to ttc #2 and went off minipill to see if I am ovulating. I am. Will start next month.
- Nov 04 ~ TTC#2 starts. BFP. Holy Crap. No freaking way. No way.
- Aug 05 ~ Allison born
- Oct 06 ~ IUD removed. TTC#3
- Jan 07 ~ Large cysts found.
- Feb 07 ~ Femara cyle #1
- Mar 07 ~ Started w/ RE. HSG #2 showed R tube blocked. S/A normal.
- Mar 07 ~ more cysts, up to 9cms.
- Apr 07 ~ more cysts, 3 @ 7-9cms.
- May 07 ~ IUI #1 cancelled due to more cysts
- Jun 07 ~ IUI #1 (take two) w/ Clomid. BFN.
- Jul 07 ~ HSS showed scar tissue in 70% of uterus. Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome. Uterine surgery #2
- Aug 07 ~ HSG #3 showed clear tubes.
- Aug 07 ~ IUI #2 w/ Femara. BFN.
- Sept 07 ~ Monitored w/ hCG trigger. BFN.
- Oct 07 ~ HSS #2 showed scar tissue in 30% of uterus. Uterine surgery #3.
- Dec 07 ~ HSS #3 showed tiny amount of scar tissue. Uterine surgery #4.
- Jan 08 ~ HSS #4 showed clear uterus.
- Jan 08 ~ IUI #3, C16. BFN.
- Mar 08 ~ IVF #1, Transfer Cancelled due to lining. Out of 15 eggs, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilized. I have named my 9 embryos "The Mod Squad" and they are in the freezer, waiting for mommy to be ready.
- Apr/May 08 ~ FET #1. C20. 4 embryos "The Fab Four" transferred on 5/05. BFP!!! Very Low Beta (15 at 11dp3dt) but the numers continued to double every 48 hours. Told it was "most likely not viable" and later "most likely ectopic" but we beat all the odds.
- May 16, 08 ~ 11dp3dt (4w0d), beta #1: 15
- May 19, 08 ~ 14dp3dt (4w3d), beta #2: 43
- May 23, 08 ~ 18dp3dt (5w0d), beta#3: 213
- May 27, 22dp3dt (5w4d), beta #4: 1,073
- Jun 08 - Ultrasound showed one heartbeat at 7 weeks.
- Jul 08 - Had CVS testing. Chromosomes are normal and it's a BOY!! EDD: 1/23
- Aug 08 - Jan 09 ~ High risk due to: 1) Velamentous Cord Insertion, deemed biggest risk 2) Previous Placenta Accreta 3) Previous rapid degraged placenta 4) IVF alone can create weak placenta 5) AMA - Advanced Maternal Age. -- All resulting in almost 30 u/s and lots of testing, which ended up saving my life.
- Jan 09 (38w0d) ~ Karl is born! -- Crazy 3 days in hospital. Manual version to flip baby from breech to head down, Labor, Delivery, Emergency surgery due to cord detaching from placenta, Scary heart issues from losing over 40% of my blood supply, and then a blood transfusion due to the extreme loss of blood. Whew!
Blog Archive
-
▼
2008
(515)
-
▼
April
(44)
- I made a half decision.
- Cancelled Again.
- Am I ~evil~?
- I met with plastic surgeon.
- Two more days.
- This makes me want to throw up.
- What is there to do? Oh yes. Wait.
- Lining update and severe jealousy.
- I can't take anymore pregnancies.
- If you love it so much, you should marry it!
- Another day, another monkey wanding.
- Happy Birthday Bean.
- No witty title available.
- Weigh in. Week 2.
- The seven habits of highly fertile people.
- I can ~see~ the hurdle. Jump Nancy, JUMP!
- What a pain in the ass.
- Oh The Places You'll Go
- I guess that makes me a moron.
- Approaching hurdle #6
- Nightmares.
- 2 more days until next hurdle.
- I've done it. I've joined
- I've been ipod-ing it today
- Never use PEN.
- I'm going to kill my husband.
- It's hard to be the 1 out of 6
- I'm really good at being non-pregnant.
- I want a baby.
- And it's back on.
- Another setback.
- FET update!
- I thought the internet was "huge".
- Weird dreams.
- I just went shopping with
- It's too soon. (updated)
- That good news fooled even me.
- I can't believe you did it!
- Transfer in 2 weeks.
- Pet Peeve venting time.
- Nothing can sum it up better.
- Things that are good about a June FET.
- My luck is bound to turn, right?
- Today was supposed to be my transfer.
-
▼
April
(44)
6 comments:
I agree completely with your POAs evaluation. And in the world some of us live in the clinic just sends you home (or abroad) and tells you to call in with the results. So I'm wondering exactly how early you POAS and if you know how late the results can change. Cause it turns out I am a bit clueless about this.
We all deal with the uncertainty in our own way, and nobody should make you feel bad for how you do it. I can definitely understanding wanting to know early. I was like that too. Until the single-line just got too much to bear and I just stopped POAS ever.
Sorry about the neck lump!
I just hate seeing the lack of line- so I don't like to test until I absolutely have to. But if I notice that I am getting a little carried away, or I start to think I have symptoms- I will test. Once I see that BFN- it's usually at least 12 dpo- then I know it's over and the obsessing can stop before it can really take hold.
I can't understand talking someone into or out of testing. I can see why you test early & I understand it- it's just not for me. But I wouldn't try to tell you to stop testing! (you is hypothetical btw)
oh- and some crazy ass dreams there.
I seriously thought you were talking about ET, the movie, as in "extra terrestrial." I need help. And so do you apparently based on your dreams. But really, I'm sure it is just all that anger and frustration over this cycle oozing out of your subconscious while you're sleeping. It sucks waking up after dreams like that and feeling like your sleep was anything but restful.
On the POAS front, I've done it both ways and I'm still not convinced which is easier for me. I hate it either way. Maybe that's just because I've never seen a positive. If I end up with a positive, I guess I'll swear by that method (no POAS, or POAS early and often) from that point on.
I know this is totally random and not on topic with the post, but stop on by my blog to pick up an award.
This is a subject I totally agree on you with, me and my step-mom were just joking the other day saying i was a POAS-aholic. I, personally, am the type who is very in tune with my body and I want to know RIGHT AWAY if there is anything going on. I remember when I first started TTC I said- I'd rather go on 'thinking' I am than 'knowing' I am not pregnant. After almost a year that has changed..I want to know NOW and right now. I've learned that others think differently, but there is nothing I can say because I have been on both sides of the road.
Post a Comment