Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Infertility sucks.

My last post seems to have stirred up a lot of emotions in me and I feel lost and anxious now. I am in a conversation with myself that there is no way IUI#3 will work. IUIs never work. But then I look at all the IUIs that do work. And I get jealous that they work for others and not me.

And then I think that I don't know if IUI#3 didn't work or not. I think how could it have worked? I'm not that lucky. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I'm obviously not getting pregnant with anything I've been trying. Then I think well, why not me? Why can't this cycle be the cycle? It could be. But then I remind myself that it won't be. Then I start to panic about how even with IVF, I may never get the BFP I am trying for. And then my heart breaks a little.

9 comments:

Lori said...

Searching for a metaphor. Crap shoot? Slot machine?

Only with much higher stakes.

I'm sorry you're feeling anxious today. I'm sending you calming thoughts, and hopes for a BFP.

BethH6703 said...

You just verbalized my biggest fears about going back into treatment... the constant "why vs why not" internal debate.

If you figure out a way to quiet it, can you remind me of it in a few months when I'm in treatment?

Here's hoping for 1) a bfp, and 2) some peace of mind between now and then.

Hugs,
Beth

KatieM said...

I'm right there with ya...((hugs))

jenn said...

I've got nothing but a shoulder for you right now. Big hugs & I hope the lost & anxius feelings subside soon.

*I can't resist- why COULDN'T it work for you this time- you have the best of all conditions for a ~real~ chance. It's not a guarantee- but don't give up on the could...you never let me ;o)

Chas said...

Well, infertility does suck, but I'm still holding out hope for a BFP for you!

waitinginline said...

I have plenty of hope for you that this IUI is working for you. I have faith that you will get your BFP. You've had more than your share of bad luck...your due some good luck, now.

I hope you're able to find a little peace during your wait.

Denise said...

I've had this exact same conversation with myself-I know how you feel. The fact of the matter is that your doctor wouldn't even recommend and IUI as a course of treatment unless he/she believes it could work. So it CAN work. It CAN.

tragicoptimist said...

It sucks. I'm sorry. I hope that this is the cycle that surprises you.

By the way, I really appreciated the comment you left on my blog.

Tammy's Thought Pattern said...

I agree. I think that is why I am a little scared to do another IUI before DH has his issues taken care of.