Thursday, January 31, 2008

We talked about our "next step"

Me and the hubby talked about the next step.

It really started out as him not knowing what to do with me this morning. I was obviously upset and he sat next to me, just to hold me. Which, of course, made me cry.

I sobbed "I'm sorry I can't give you another child. Your chance for a son." His reaction startled me. He told me that he will never be upset with me if I can't give him another child. He said that although he ~wants~ another one, if it doesn't happen, he won't be devastated. He'll be happy with what we have. And while I also will be (and I am happy with what we have), I will be devastated when we come to the end of our journey. How can you not be? How can you work so hard at something and have to quit, without being devastated? I know I can still have a great life with this as our ending in search of #3, but I'm not going to be happy with the ending itself.

Anyway, I talked about how the next step is going to be a big one. It's going to be even more emotionally draining on me. It's going to be expensive. It's also going to be tough on him with the lifestyle he'll have to abide by for those 6 weeks up until retrieval. He told me that if I am up for it, so is he. He'll do everything he has to do. But if I don't want to take the next step, he won't push me. While I'm happy he's so open, it does make me feel that he doesn't want this as much as I do. But I know that's not true and he's just being a good husband.

I called my RE's office and they are calling the insurance company today, for pre-approval. (And let me just say that I thank my lucky stars for this new insurance everyday. It fell into our laps when I never thought we'd have IF coverage in a million years.) I have to submit some documentation myself, as does my OB's office, to prove I was in "treatment" a full year ago. Easy enough to prove, I just have to jump through the hoops. Once all the information is with the insurance company, they will go to review and will give me a pre-approval letter and then I can start my first IVF cycle. I'm unsure how this timing will work, but I sure do hope it works out without too much of a wait. My time is running out and I need to start this sooner rather than later.

Wow. I'm going to do IVF.

23 comments:

Denise said...

I hope you're feeling a little better after your talk. It sounds like the hubby is very understanding and supportive.

Just one question though. It sounds like you're convinced that this cycle didn't work even though you're only at 11dp. Are you still holding out a little hope or are you sure at this point?

nancy said...

Denise, yeah - I know I can be still be surprised by a +bpt tomorrow, but I'm not holding onto that. If it happens, great. If not, I've already moved onto the next cycle. :)

bleu said...

I do hope you are going to get a beta still.
One thing I have to say. I have thought this whole time you were 40, only by what you say not that you look over 30 actually but it is interesting to me how you bring up your age so often and how old you are. I did not start ttc until 34 and had Bliss at 35 and considered myself young. Even now at 40 I do not think I am old even though they said I have advanced maternal age. Anyhow I am just surprised how young you are.

nancy said...

I'm 35. And for me, it's the limit of MY babymaking, so it's an age that is important to ~me~ in only that regard. I don't think I'm old at all. When did I bring up my age? The only time I thought I brought up the age thing is due to my age limit for baby making.

~ Joe ♥ said...

I hope I am not being offensive with my questions I'm just curious and I'll understand if you dont want to answer me. How long will the approval take? Will you be able to jump into it next cycle? Don't IVF's increase your chance of multiples dramatically? Are you ok with that?

KatieM said...

That IS a huge wow! So I am glad to hear you guys are "together" in this....not that you haven't been together all along, but you know what I mean. Enjoy the strawberries ;-)

Morgan said...

Nancy, just wanted to drop you a line and let you know I'm thinking about you...oh and you don't look a day over 25, seriously! 40? Come on Bleu! LOL

SaraS-P said...

Well, let's hope this next big step takes you where you want to go (even if not getting there won't devestate you).

bleu said...

I can totally respect others boundaries. I was just surprised. I have heard you mention with regards to stopping baby making more than a few times which is why I assumed you were older.

nancy said...

My baby making age limit is ~not~ due to how old I am. It's my limit for other reasons :)

nancy said...

joe hearts - No, IVF does ~not~ increase the "risk" of multiples. Women choosing to transfer multiple embryos is what increases the chance.

My RE likes to transfer 2-3 embryos during a transfer for the best odds for a singleton, but that runs the CHANCE (sorry, I don't see it as a risk! just my choice of words) of 1-3 babies. In my eyes, I go by the rule "don't transfer more than you are ready for". If I'm really set against twins, I'll only transfer one. Yeah, that will limit my chances, but if we have to decide that, we will (we have not decided that yet).

I'm going into pre-approval now. I'll start as soon as I can. I don't think I'll be able to get the approval for this next cycle, but then again, I don't know how much "rest" my RE will want me to take before embarking on IVF.

Io said...

I'm still hoping you get surprised, but if not I am excited for you to start IVF. I think your husband sounds very sweet. Poor husbands. They just can't say *quite* the right thing - if he had been adamant that he wanted this, you probably would have felt worse!

charmedgirl said...

i was dead set against twins and the RE explained the stats when transferring three. we did it, and i have triplets.

but the truth is, the real scary risk is in the IUI cycles using injectibles. that's where you get very high order multiples.

anyway, i'm with you, nancy. i'd be planning the next cycle too, before this one was over. especially with this evil ending (assuming you're right on the one-line thing).

nancy said...

We already knew we would NEVER trigger with more than two mature follicles. I find it irresponsible when someone triggers with more follicles than they are willing to "have" as babies.

Monica Fayth said...

My guess is that your husband will totally be upset, but he knows that life will go on and eventually, he'll be okay. You know how guys react differently emotionally.
Oh, and I'm still hoping you'll be pleasantly surprised tomorrow.

chicklet said...

Wow, well i'm sorry it's negative right now but maybe the timing would work to be cycle sisters:-)

Duck said...

Wow Nancy, big decision to go to IVF. Still hoping for a positive beta. If not, we're here for you.

Anonymous said...

Hey Nancy,
If you need to talk about any of the stuff with IVF feel free to email me or call me.

Tina

Chas said...

If you don't get your bfp tomorrow and you do go ahead with IVF, then I wish you all the luck in the world! As a person who has paid 100% for 2 fresh IVF cycles and two frozen cycles, I can say that you are a very lucky girl to have insurance coverage for it. Good luck!!

lifefromhere said...

wow, I miss a couple of days and return to a whole book-of-nancy. cool. I know you know that 11dpiui is may still be too early. but I'm glad you're thinking about next steps. and that you had such a good talk with your dh. and that your insurance rocks. ~luna

Tobacco Brunette said...

Oooh. Welcome to the exciting world of IVF. I'm hoping it's one and done for you!

Glennformer said...

Hugs Plus.

The Town Criers said...

I am sending you so many good thoughts and a lot of luck.